Suicide of a Prairie boy
by Realityshowfan
Summary: Sad, Dark, Depressing. Title says it all. Check it out. :
1. Ezekiel's Suicide

I am dead. Not on the outside, no. I stare into the filthy, stained mirror in my bathroom. Black hair, watery eyes, stubble on the chin. And that big freaking Z necklace around my neck. My shades are on my forehead, my hand's full of rings. No, I'm alive on the outside. But I'm also disgusting and uncool.

The word uncool rings in my head. _Uncool, Uncool, Zeke's such a loser. He thinks he's soooo cool. _"DAMMIT!" I scream, punching the mirror to try to get the chant out of my head. It shatters immediately, and I feel a stinging sensation which means shards of glass have slipped under my skin.

I curse, a word that I don't really know but heard other people say. It _hurts_. I bring up my bloodied hand to rip off the Z necklace, to snap the shades. All I wanted was to fit in! All I wanted was for, just once, for ME to be the cool one, for ME to be accepted!

In a shard of shattered mirror, I can see my reflection. Snot hanging down my nose, my eyes watering and crying. Disgusting. I hate myself. I really do. And then the image changes. I see the cast of Total Drama Island. I see them looking at me in disgust. Bridgette edging away from me, Courtney hitting me on the head with a lamppost. Eva strangling me. All I wanted to do was make friends!

I am such a loser. I will never fit in, ever. No matter what I do, I can't do it right. Picking up a shard of mirror, I stab it in my open palm without a second's thought. I immediately yell with pain, but also of relief. It feels _good. _The pain is leeching out the depression.

They hated me, they all hated me. Every single one of them. Another stab in the palm. And when I thought I knew how to be cool, how to be one of them…. They still hated me. Another stab.

I grit my teeth, pounding my leg against the floor. My parents are gone, to the nearest town. Good, I don't want to see their faces. They didn't even WANT to watch me on T.V., they thought it was a sin for me to try to interact with all those "Unholy people". And they were right. But they still hate me for disobeying, still hate me for going to the doctor about my Vitamin Deficiency.

Another stab, more pain. I look at my palm, and I'm surprised to see the gaping, bloody hole. Did I do that? And now I feel woozy. The pain hits me like a train, my palm seems to be drawing in on itself, seems to be thriving off of the stings of fire that are leaping from my palm to my arm.

I want to be cool, I want to be liked! Instead of stabbing, I make a quick slash across my wrist. This brings more stings of pain in which I grit my teeth and wail inside, but I know I deserve it. I'm a loser, I'm not cool, I'm not anything.

I look at my other hand, which is whole and unmarked. I hate it. Yelling, gritting my teeth in anticipation, I bring the knife down swiftly over my wrist. And then….. A dreadful second of numbness. Then my whole body shakes. Fire is running down my left arm into my body. I yell, and I feel the hot salty tears falling down my face. Black spots are appearing in my vision, but I don't care. It hurts so badly. It's not a relief anymore. I look at my left wrist and scream, half my vision is obstructed. My wrist is an open maw of bone and red blood. Half of my wrist is hanging off.

Pain is building everywhere. My head, my arms, my legs. It feels like it's pulsating behind my eyes. Fire and sharp twinges. I catch sight of myself in a shard of mirror. My Torque's off, my Necklace besides me, my shades out in the distance. I'm not cool. Nobody wants me. I'm covered in my own blood for Christ's sakes. Most of my vision is still obstructed. Slowly, the edges all start to go back.

A jolt of fear runs through my body, and then it's gone. I'm ready to leave, to exit. I'm done trying to be "The Zeke". I'm done being a freaky prairie boy. I want to be someone else, I want to be gone.

And now everything's going black. The only thing I see is the shard of mirror. In it I see everything. Myself, my family, Bridgette, Courtney, Eva….. Chris, Owen, Izzy…. Everything's going black now…..

I'm floating away; I still see the shard of mirror showing the faces. Their cheering me on, chanting my name. Chris is giving me the check, I have my necklace, everybody's saying I'm cool, great, awesome…. Tears are running down my face….

I'm floating, flying, crying. And I'm gone.

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	2. Courtney's Reaction

**Thanks for the reviews everyone. Originally I was going to leave this as a one-shot, but due to some requests I decided to have some characters reactions. So enjoy.**

_Courtney's P.O.V._

I was in a rage when _he_ called. So far, my day had been completely pointless. My normally perfect alarm clock had faltered for the first time, leaving me to wake up only ten minutes before school started. My parents work in the mornings, something I'm proud of because it showed that I could take care of myself.

I had to skip shower and breakfast, which I would only do to save my perfect attendance record. I felt miserable trudging through the halls of school, knowing I reeked and having to blow my disheveled hair out of my face every few minutes. It didn't help that people were still laughing about me because of my stunt on the Total Drama series. My idiotic lawyers couldn't get Chris to renew another season after the third, in which I was voted off fifth. _Fifth! _

At lunch another delinquent spilled his milk all over my blouse, although this one wasn't named Duncan. He and his hooligan party laughed their heads off, calling me the "In" nickname at the moment, _Crazy in Training. _At least it was better than the last one, when the whole school referred to me as Princess Duncan.

When I got home from school, I got a call from my old summer camp informing me that they weren't going to rehire me as a CIT, and I could forget about being promoted as a real summer camp counselor. God, that show ruined my life!

Then _He_ called. I got calls from him every so often, which both irritated and seduced me. I like him, I'm not afraid to admit it, but he can still get so annoying. Why can't he grow up and get ambitious? I'm not going to be taking care of that slob when I grow up, and I tell him that.

I answered the phone with a snarl. "What?" I didn't even bother looking at the caller I.D.; I figured it was just another prank call, or a hate one being sent by that anti-Courtney group. Some people!

"Courtney?" He asks, and I don't notice how hallow his voice is. But I do take a notch of meanness out of my response. "Hi Duncan…. What do you want?" I notice how even though I'm angry, I still take control of the conversation by making him answer questions from me. I love how I can notice things like that.

"Courtney, listen, something bad's happened…" He says, and I feel my heart skip a beat. I have to tell myself that he can't be too bad off, since he's talking to me. "Duncan…. Are you okay?" I curse myself for allowing such panic to enter my voice, but then immediately shove that thought away imagining Duncan on some hospital bed with tubes in his nose or something.

"Yeah… it's not me. It's about another contestant…" When he mentions the Island, I'm filled with memories. Being dragged away, Vomiting, Breaking my violin. But then when he says something about another contestant, faces fill my line of vision. Bridgette, DJ, Sierra. People I considered human. Then other faces. Harold, Gwen, LeShawna, Alejandro. People I hated.

"Who?" I ask, and I am genuinely surprised at the crack in my voice. I'd been trying not to think too much of the Island, so all those memories coming back at me took me off of Emotional Guard.

"Courtney…. Ezekiel committed suicide last night." Duncan tells me, and it takes me a second to comprehend what he's said. And when it get's through, my heart seems to stop. Slowly I set down the telephone, with his voice still ringing worriedly through it.

I didn't even think…. I forgot about him. I think we all forgot about him. Why would we remember a sexist pig that was voted off first both seasons he appeared in? I never stayed in contact with him, I don't think anybody did.

I sit down on the couch, my face still a blank expression. Inside, I don't know how to feel. Thousands, perhaps millions of kids have committed suicide and I haven't spent much time dwelling on it… Why do I care so much now?

And then the answer hits me. _Because I'm part of the reason he did it. _Wasn't I the person who helped arrange him getting voted off? Maybe not the second time, but definitely the first time. I almost took his place!

How…. How could I never have thought about him? That first night on TDI, I went to bed so relieved that I made it through the first elimination. I never thought about how he felt about it. At Playa De Losers, I hardly ever saw him. He was either in his room or in the hot tub.

And then another paralyzing thought hit's me. _I hit him over the head with a lamppost! _God, to him I must have been a total witch! I feel actual tears welling up, and I feel surprised. And then I feel awful at feeling surprised that I care about him dying.

I'm so selfish, so self-centered that I never realized how he, or any of the other contestants thought about me. And neither did any of the other contestants. Nobody really cared to think about him, and now he's dead. We all suck.

My fingers trembling, I pick up the phone again. Duncan has hung up, and fingers trembling, I dial a number I know by heart. A cheery, happy voice picks up, and it pains me to say what I have to say.

"Bridgette…. Ezekiel's dead."

**So how did you guy's like it? I've never written for Courtney before, so I'm eager to see how people react. Should I write Bridgette's reaction to the news, or leave it here? Please review; I honestly don't know where to go with this story. But hey, it was fun to write this, so it was so surprising to see people's morbid reactions! Don't worry, the Prairie Boy lives on in a million other fanfics! **


	3. Bridgette's Reaction

_First off, thanks for all the reviews! And sorry this is way late, but I'm doing this for fun, and it's not a big top priority right now. But I have two big stories on their way, so keep a look out for those. (Their not TDI fanfics though, sorry). I'm just writing them before I post them, that way I don't have to rush to be updating and I can take my sweet time with them without feeling guilty. So here is the third installment of my "One-shot". Enjoy!_

**Bridgette's P.O.V.**

This night is so perfect! As I walk into my dad's apartment, my heart feels ready to burst with the happiness of it. This has been, without a doubt, the best birthday ever, and it's all thanks to Geoff!

Eighteen's always a big number to hit, but nothing made me feel bigger than waking up with his big arm around me. He's taken to sleeping over at my dad's apartment, where I live. My dad's a fireman, so he's hardly ever home at night. Make's Geoff coming over a real breeze!

Of course, we don't _do_ anything particularly bad in the empty apartment. A few make-out sessions, some T.V., more make-out sessions, homework, and then to round off the day some make-out sessions. I feel so _naughty._

As I pull off my blue jacket, my cell phone rings. Looking at the caller I.D., it says **Courtney. **She's probably calling to wish me happy birthday. I've already gotten calls from Gwen, DJ, Trent, LeShawna, and Beth.

As I reach to flip open the phone, a warm hand grabs my own. "Not so fast babe". Geoff chuckles, nuzzling my neck. "Stop it!" I giggle, pulling out of his reach. "It's Courtney!" I inform him as I flip it open.

Me and her have talked occasionally after the show. From what I've gathered, things aren't going so well for her at home. That sucks, 'cuz I'm living the dream life. It's senior year, I have all my credits, Geoff's moved out to my hometown, the waves are perfect, and my mom and dad are talking to each other.

"Hey Court!" I say cheerfully, still pushing Geoff off me as he tries to hug me.

She says something, but now Geoff's stumbled into the table and I can't hear her. "Geoff, shut up!" I say, but I smile so that he knows I'm not really ticked off.

"Bridgette…. Ezekiel's dead." Her hollow voice startles me, and it takes a few minutes for what she has said to sink in. Dead? Who? Ezekiel? And then it comes to me. A sexist, a homeschool, a pervert. The guy who tried to hit on me, the guy I helped vote off.

"You're joking… right?" I ask, and I'm slightly surprised to hear the sob caught in my throat. _He's not dead, he's not dead_. The mantra keeps running through my mind. "Babe, are you all right?" Geoff asks, noticing the rapid change of my voice. He makes to move over to me, but I raise a hand to hush him.

"Bridge… He committed suicide!" Courtney's voice runs shrill, her panic and sorrow of it evident. I hear a dial tone, and I know that she's hung up. "Oh my god…" I whisper, sinking onto the couch.

Dimly I hear Geoff asking questions, but all I can think about is Ezekiel. The torque, the sunglasses, the big Z necklace. _He committed suicide._ _He killed himself. Because of me._

And now I'm sobbing, tears rolling down my eyes. How could I be so selfish, so shallow? He had no friends, nobody liked him. And he still tried to be friends with me! And what did I do? I ignored him, pushed him aside for somebody better! If I had at least talked to him… called him after the show… It's my fault.

"Bridgette, what happened? Is something wrong with your dad? You're Mom?" Geoff's concerned voice breaks me out of my dark thoughts. I look up at his worried face, and all I can see is the laughing boy who pushed him away from me.

"Geoff… He's dead! He killed himself!" I shout, and I have to bury my face into his chest. I never thought about him… and now he'll never breathe, never see, never hear again. But what's even worse is the fact that he felt so miserable, so sad, that he felt that he had to do it. And if you feel that bad… than maybe dying is easier.

"Is it your dad?" Geoff asks, his voice rising to the point of shrieking. I shake my head, and I say one word, and as I say it I feel like I'm killing him all over again. "Ezekiel".

Geoff looks shocked for a moment, and then in a low voice says, "Homeschool? He _killed_ himself?" He looks deeply disturbed, and then flops down on the couch besides me. "I never thought…" He whispers as I curl up against him.

"I don't think anybody thought of him." I say, the tears gone but the sorrow still welled up in my chest.

"Do you think the others know?" He asks, and I am forced to look at the list on the fridge. The list that they handed out at the end of the third season, listing all of the names and numbers of everyone on the cast, even Chris. I heard that a lot of the boys had been prank calling him.

"I think… I think Courtney's going to call a lot of people, and then their going to call other people…" I state, still looking at the list. Because there is one name that catches my eyes. One three letter word that still sends shivers down my spine.

**Eva. **Geoff catches me looking at the name, and he winces. "You're not going to call her are you?" He asks, and I'm surprised and angry at the shock in his voice.

"Why not? You think anybody else is going to tell her? God, she's probably like Ezekiel! Nobody calling her, no friends! Why shouldn't she just off herself next?" I can't keep the bitterness out of my voice, and Geoff looks shocked.

"Bridge… I didn't mean… That's not…" He's stuttering, and it's that combined with the fact that he does look regretful that I decide to forgive him.

"It's fine…" I'm still sounding harsh, so I make my tone lighter. "I'm scared of her to, but I think it's high time that we all stop carrying past grudges. And the one she had against Ezekiel was a huge one."

Geoff doesn't say anything as I step up to my phone, and start to dial the erratic number. I have time to briefly hope that I dialed it wrong when a very rough, very tough, and very familiar voice answers with a, "What?"

I gulp, and take a firm stance. "Eva…. This is Bridgette. Ezekiel's dead."

**Oh man, this one sucked, didn't it? Really sorry that this was so OOC, I've re-written this chapter several times and I can never get it right. I just cannot write well for Bridgette!**

**So sorry if I got some of your guy's hopes up. But next chapter will make up for it. I LOVE writing for Eva! And I need some of your guy's opinions… should I stop it after Eva? Nobody else really had anything to do with Ezekiel. Maybe a Katie/Sadie chapter would be funny…**


	4. Authors Note

**Okay guys, I've completely revised the first chapter. Hopefully he's more in character, but it's hard to write for him because we don't know anything about how he thinks. You can just write your review for that chapter here if you want to. And I'm going to write Eva's P.O.V. next, and then the funeral which will probably have multiple P.O.V.'s in it. Cheers, and thanks for reviewing! **


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